Thoughts & Feelings

I Knew It

I loved you
Sad you didn't know about it
I wanted to say it to you
But I was too scared
That you won't say you love me too.

We were the best of friends
Probably know a lot about each other
How we want our food, clothes
And even the person we want to have
But it was you that I wanted.

I thought Us would be possible
But I blame myself
I didn't have the courage to tell it to you
Pride took over my mind and body
That you would be the first one to say it 
But no, that didn't happen.

And now, I regret it
For not telling you how I really felt about you
Today, What If's are running on my mind
What if I told you that I love you?
Would you say you love me too?

But eventually, I accepted it
You'll never look at me the same way I look at you
I know you, I said you're my best friend
And maybe that's why I didn't say I love you
Because I already knew what your answer would be. 

Wait, Weight?

I know and I am sure that I really GAINED WEIGHT these past few months. My primary reason is college. Yup, I blame you college. Our university is being surrounded by lots of food chains and restos; and also my college buddies are very "malamon" when it comes to food hehe. To be honest, before I did not easily noticed it until my family and close friends told me that I really gained weight.

"Ang taba mo na"
"Tumataba ka ah"
"Ang laki na ng braso mo"
"Magpapayat kana"
"Lumolobo ka"

And believe me, there's a lot more lines that I received aside from those.

I don't get the point why people have to ALWAYS CONSTANTLY remind me about my weight or fatness. OO NA TUMABA/MATABA NA! Happy?

As a psychology student (yesss, promote wahaha) I try to understand why they always call me fat. Maybe whenever they say that I am fat, they gain more confidence. Of course they will feel slimmer and smaller when they stand beside me because duh, mataba nga daw kasi ako.

When someone says that I look fat, I always try to reply with a smile. I know you're thinking that "sus, deep inside, nasasaktan yan o iiyak na yan." Sorry but nope. Why with a smile? Well, at least alam kong may napupuntahan lahat ng ginastos ko sa pagkain. Eh kung sa may pangbili ako eh, bakit ka ba? :P I love food, I really do! I mean, who doesn't?


I want to share a story related to my "katabaan". This happened recently between me and my close friend. So here it goes...

Me: Alam mo ba, ewan ko sa inyo ha, pero for me nung nag-gain ako ng weight, feeling ko mas gumanda ako, swear wahaha
Friend: Mas gaganda ka kapag mag lose ka ng weight *insert thumbs up emoji*


Uhmm, ako lang ba na-hurt? Wahaha. That reply of his really hurt my feelings (and fats). It sounded like that I can't be prettier or look more beautiful when I gain weight. WTF (excuse my words) Seriously, WTFF. Your beauty should not be measured AND WILL NEVER BE MEASURED by your weight! Trust me, I know and I saw a lot of beautiful plus-sized women. So I don't think any girl or any person should feel less beautiful because she or he is fat.

And this is not just about the people who gained weight, but also to the people who can't gain weight.I have friends who are really skinny and I'm sure they are also tired of hearing the words "magpataba ka naman" "kumakain ka pa ba?". People, they also try their best to look "better" for your eyes.


When I gained weight, I gained more confidence. I learned to love myself more. I knew that beauty is not limited to my body size and shape. Just like age, weight is just a number. As long as you feel good with your size, go and be happy. Because at the end of the day, it is just you, yourself, who really matters most. Yes, do listen to what people say to you or comment about you but  pay attention to the ones that can inspire you to become a better person. One should not feel less of a person just because he/she is fat or skinny. Show them what your fats and bones can do! Let's make this world a better place to live in *insert rainbow and unicorns* ☺️

Can I Just

Runaway?

Runaway from problems, happenings, bad vibes, stress, questions, hesitations... Runaway from almost everything.

Breathe some nice clean air and maybe, somehow, it can calm my mind and body. I do not want to indulge to situations that I do not want to be involved.

I am not scared though, I just don't want it. Not now.

May Our Dreams Come True

Everything was so perfect
Started as friends
Became closer each day
And comfortable to one another

We had the perfect start
To a perfect relationship
They say start as friends
Then everything else will be easy

It took us time to realize
Our feelings for each other
How friends can be lovers
And if it's worth it to risk it all

We were ready
We were sure
To become something
We were not before

We gave into our feelings
And let our emotions flow
Who would have thought
That our friendship would be more

When I felt your love
It was one of the greatest
One of the feelings I won't forget
And surely I won't regret

Every second, every minute
We were so happy
To finally be together
After a long wait

Then I woke up
And realize that everything that happened
Was only a dream
A dream of unsureness and uncertainty

But I woke up smiling
Even if it hurts
That our love can't be real
And never for us to risk

Maybe some love stories
Are just for fanatasies
Like the famous tales
Never real, only for dreaming

Though deep inside of me
I know that I want that to happen
I know that there's a chance
That my dream may come into reality

But all I have to do
Is to let destiny do its magic
And believe that we might end up together
Not today, but someday.

Cloudy Mind

Why so many thoughts?
Why so many emotions?
Why so many questions?
Will there be an answer?
 
Why so many thoughts
Running in my mind
Flashbacks of past
Happenings in present
Possibilities for future
 
Why so many emotions
Bottling up inside me
Sadness from past
Loneliness in present
Wariness for future
 
Why so many questions
That I ask to myself
Regrets from past
Hesitations in present
"What if's" for future
 
Will there be an answer
For every thought, emotion,
And question that are currently
Running in my mind
And bothering my life
 
Stay strong heart and mind
There could be no answers
But I do hope
There will be reasons why 

Stay strong heart and mind
There could be no answers
But I do hope
There will be reasons why 

Credits to the owner

Let's Define Paasa

Yung nag-OO na siya
Tapos biglang bawi

Yung sabi niya nandiyan na siya
Tapos pala hindi

Yung sabi niya OTW na
Pero bagong gising palang

Yung Sabi niya pupunta daw siya
Pero hanggang sabi lang

Yung sabi niya ikaw lang
Pero hindi ka pala nag-iisa

Yung nangako siya na walang iba
Pero mapapako lang din pala

Yung nag-bigay siya ng motibo
Pero yun pala pinaglalaruan ka lang

Yung akala mo parehas kayo ng nararamdaman
Pero oras mo sa kanya nasayang

Yung sabi niya mahal ka niya
Pero di ka naman ipinaglaban

Yung sabi niya maghihintay siya
Pero ka'y bilis ka namang iniwan

Ikaw? Ano ang paasa para sayo?

They Say, I Say

They say,

"Try and try until you succeed"

I say,

Why try? Do it.

Don't just aim for success

Aim to be better.

They say,

"Great things are worth the wait"

I say,

You make the things great

So make them worth your wait

They say,

"Everybody deserves a second chance"

I say,

Nope. Not everybody.

Some people only deserves one chance

One chance to prove themselves

They say a lot of things

Listen to them

But don't believe everything

Because most of the time

What "They say" is also an "I say"

In the end,

Always trust in what you believe in

In what you feel is right

And not in everything that people say